


Marvelous Monsters

by WarriorNun



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Monster High, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Background characters - Freeform, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Cameos from other media, Getting to Know Each Other, Innuendo, M/M, Marvel Cameos, Noodle Incidents, Pining, Rated for Deadpool's Language, Shout-outs, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tumblr: Oodles of Doodles, Uncle Ben lives!! Yay!!!, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Lust, Wade Being Wade, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, a crossover that no one asks for but I have done it anyway HA!, gratuitous cameos, inspiration from tumblr, mentions of logan, pop culture reference, slight AU, wolf spider!Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-08-20 14:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8252750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarriorNun/pseuds/WarriorNun
Summary: Peter Parker is the new kid of Monster High. Wade Wilson is also a new kid of Monster High.Difference? Peter is a mutant wolf spider hybrid whilst Wade is a normie. Who just so happens to be not your average normie.Monster High will never be the same.





	1. How It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own either Spider-Man, Deadpool or Monster High. 
> 
> They are respectively owned by MARVEL, Stan Lee, and Mattel

To put it in hindsight, we should have seen this coming.

Never in Monster High history that we not only have the first ever Normie transfer student but also had one of the most eventful yet weirdest school year since sliced bread. And we all collectively just wanted to forget it but we can’t. It’s kinda like a train wreck filled with glitter piñatas. It was horrible and destructive, but you can’t look away.

Or think about it, in this case.

Let’s back track a bit…

It all started with the assembly at the auditorium where we get double transfer student introduction, not only a new monster but also an honest to Ghoul _Normie_ student! It was both exciting and frighting, in fact the entire school was abuzz about it before the announcement was even made. I guess you have a certain ghost writer to thank…

Habits are kind of like zombies, they tend to die hard but couldn’t be rid of. 

…No offense to the zombies.

Anyway, here’s how it went…

-

Peter Parker fidgeted in his seat a bit, feeling his pincers clicking against each other no matter how strong his will was. This was his first day to be at a real school since…well, ever. When his Aunt and Uncle got word about a school in New Salem that accepts all kinds of creatures like him, they thought that it was a good idea to actually enroll him. 

“Socializing with kids of your age is good for you, Peter.” His Aunt May’s words echoed for an umpteenth time in his head.

He had to admit, there is a sliver of doubt that he felt when his aunt said that. Maybe it was just him, but he felt that even among monsters, he doesn’t feel normal. Maybe it was the because of the fact that he was a MUTATED human since he was a mere baby, not a real monster. Either way, it might not be a good scenario for him.

…That and that kid next to him won’t stop staring at him.

He was rather…unique per say.

For starters, he’s human and had a patchwork of what seemed to be burn scars starting down his face and probably underneath his clothes.

The kid wasn't starring at him with a glare, or a look of disgust even. He seemed to be...observing him. Almost like he was memorizing every single strand of fur on Peter's face. Was he really that interesting? Surely there were other spider monsters besides him. And even if this guy is a human, he's on a monster school bus, so he must be used to monsters to some degree. 

Peter wanted to talk to him, if only to break the ice, but every time he wanted to turn his head and speak it felt like his pincers pressed tightly against his jowls. As if to keep his mouth shut. He couldn't decide if he should be grateful for it or not but still, he wanted to say something. 

But he didn't haven't to when the driver, a scruffy old werecat, spoke up. 

"Alright, runts! We're here!" Exclaimed the old man as the bus slowly came to a stop.

He didn’t know that it was a blessing in disguise or a lost opportunity of at least having a comrade in this harrowing experience known as high school. Either way, he might have gotten up a bit too quickly as he grabbed his backpack which also had his skateboard attached. He politely gave his thanks to the old werecat before departing off of the bus. Peter was sure that the kid followed suit, though he could have sworn that he said something along the lines of…”Try not to throw up a hairball too hard, Old Timer!” in a rather jovial tone.

“Yeah, yeah, wise ass.” The older man retorted.

This kid was interesting indeed…

Aaaand he could hear the whispers from the other kids now.

Wait…did he just saw a ghost girl snapping an iPhone picture and disappearing?

As he blinked his eight eyes to snap out of his stupor, and compel himself to get off the bus to keep from holding up the line, Peter found himself transported into what could only be described as a whole other world. Everyone was so different. So colorful. And so completely not like anyone you have ever seen. 

Yet as he walked from the bus to the staircase, it felt familiar. Sure everyone was a monster, but somehow this place seemed familiar. Like a regular high school. Okay maybe not "regular" but still. This place was really something. 

"Man...What did I just walk into?" Peter asked himself.

“The most awesome fuckin’ thing since chimichangas!” The Kid finally spoke up behind him.

Immediately, his instincts (which he lovingly dubbed Spider Sense) went haywire and whipped around, practically holding his hands up akin to a karate fighter. Sure he had no experience with martial arts, though he seemed a bit stronger than most kids his age…but he learned from the online manga that he read and watched kung-fu films, those count as lessons right?

The Kid just barked out a laugh as he readjusted the strap of his own backpack. (Which is…Hello Kitty?)

“Chill, Eight Eyes, I ain’t gonna jump ya for lunch money.” He reassured him in a light tone. “It’s only first day and neither of us are properly fed and caffeinated! So, you’re also the new meat as well?”

New meat? Is that a thing?

While trying not to think of meat (God, those would be so good now), Peter recomposed himself while finding the right words to make him less awkward.

"Well I sure hope not, cause I'm just gristle." Peter joked with a weak laugh.

"Really? You look more like a lean, choice cut to me." The weird kid said with a grin. 

"Er, well thanks. I guess. So what's your name?" Peter asked. 

"My real name, my aliases, insulting terms people use for me or my voice actors?" The weird kid asked. 

"Huh?" Peter asked in confusion. 

"Never mind, we'll go for real name. I'm Wade Wilson!" The human exclaimed proudly.

“Peter Parker,” Peter introduced himself, feeling a bit more comfortable already. Wade is kinda weird but strangely enough ok. “So, you just transferred here as well? Don’t see much Normies around here.”

It’s kinda true, almost 99 percent that he could see so far are monsters of various species and origins. Even with Wade’s appearance, he’s still a normal human. Ten fingers and toes and everything.

“Oh yeah, hailed from the wonderful lands of Canada.” Wade grinned proudly, before holding up what seemed to be a crumpled piece of paper. From what he could smell, it reeked of taco sauce and some miscellaneous that he can’t place his finger on. “Supposed to head over to the room of…” Then he paused as he uncrumpled the paper a bit and tried to read the contents. “Headless Headmistress Bloodbath McGrath. Wait, Bloodgood!”

Peter's many eyes blinked in amazement at this boy. He was not at all sure if he was crazy, pretending to be crazy or even just totally stupid. But regardless he seems harmless for the most part. And he's the only one talking to him.

"I'm going to see Headmistress Bloodgood also. You're a new student too?" Peter asked. 

"Nah, not really. I've been a student at a bunch of schools." Wade said, making Peter laugh. 

"No, I meant a new student here at Monster High." The arachnid anthro corrected. 

"Oh I see! Yeah, its my first time being here. I had to leave my last school back in Canada and move here to attend MH because there was a problem." Wade said. 

"What was the problem with the school?" Peter asked. 

"Oh nothing. It was a problem with me. Half the student body and all of the teachers gave me restraining orders." Wade said.

Peter let out a laugh before slowly stopping when he noticed on how stoic the latter’s face was. Then realization hit him harder than a pie to the face.

“Wait, you’re serious?” He asked, his whole eight eyes widening.

Wade nodded, raising an eyebrow. “Does the Joker know his own backstory?”

Peter was about to ask but withheld it and decided to come up a new question.

“What happened to make your school hold a restraining order against you?” He had heard numerous reasons of transferring schools, mostly from the internet and some neighborhood kids that he interacted with. Mostly for homeschool, parents’ job transfer, and intense bullying.

Wade only shrugged at this.

“Damned if I know,” Then he gave off a thoughtful look. “Although it did involve some rotten eggs, 9th Hellish level of Mexico’s hottest taco sauce, glitter and showcasing Two Girls and a Cup playing on a 10 hour loop at the assembly and locking everyone in had any indication.”

"Wow. that sounds...Interesting." Peter said. 

"Really? My uncle Logan didn't think so. In fact he just shook his head and went back to smoking his cigar. Said that he wasn't even surprised anymore." Wade said. 

"Your uncle sounds very understanding." Peter said, mentally adding 'or just crazy' to himself. 

"Yeah, but the fact that he's not surprised means that I'll have to do better next time!" Wade exclaimed determinedly.

Peter was about to say something but thought about it and decided to worry about next time. Whatever he had planned, hopefully it wouldn’t do TOO much damage to this school. After all, he is going to be attending it as well.

“Let’s just find Bloodgood’s office, I have a spider sense that this place might be bigger than it looks on the outside.” He suggested.

Wade let out an exaggerated gasp. “Like the TARDIS! Hey, do you think we might ran across an Ood? Those things are like Cthulhu butlers! Who hold their own brains! I wonder if you can make out with one? Wait…HOW can you make out with one is the better question.”

Peter looked at Wade with a slightly weirded out expression but just turned to look ahead as they continued walking to Bloodgood's office. But the more Wade talked, the more Peter realized that monsters aren't the weirdest people of all. And the more he realized that, the more he asked himself the same question he did when he came in. 

"What did I just walk into?”


	2. First Day of School was NEVER perfect. Or Normal.

It turns out that his Spider Sense (along with a gut feeling) was right about the interior of the school. 

Quoting from that awesome British sci-fi show, it is truly bigger on the inside. The coffin shaped lockers go down at least a mile, and there are actually stairways twisting and turning, making him wonder how this place was structured. It was a good thing that they were provided with the school map when they got into the front office, otherwise, they might as well be up at the belfry, which also provided as the school bell. Nice to know that they’re sticking to some old-fashioned ways. It took a while but with some helpful directions from a surprisingly friendly girl who seemed to be made from different pieces of corpses, they managed to find the office to Headless Headmistress Bloodgood.

What they have found is what neither them expected. 

“Hey! You’re not _headless_! This is a rip-off!”

Peter simply blinked as he looked at Wade before looking at the Headmistress, who wasn’t headless at the moment. Her choice of clothing made him think of the pre-Victorian era that he once read from one of the books in his aunt’s personal library (as well as the internet, thank you Goggles) and concluded that she might be older, despite her seemingly youthful appearance. That and there is a blue demon horse in her office. Working on an old fashioned typewriter…why wasn’t Wade focused on that?!

Thankfully Headmistress Bloodgood took Wade’s comment in stride as she held her head andACTUALLY REMOVING IT.

AND SETTING IT ON THE DESK.

“Well, it’s a common trait for us Dullahan to detach and reattach our heads to our bodies,” She informed him, there was a stern tone in her voice that immediately made Peter straightened up to the point of stiffness. “So forgive me on the unexpected first impression.”

“Huh, everyday is a new adventure.” Then Wade paused. “Wonder how you deal with the bugs in your hair.”

Once again, Headmistress Bloodgood show grace as she ignored the question. 

“Anyhow…” Then a warm smile grew on her face, making Peter relax a bit. “I would like to thank you both for choosing to attend our school. We would be looking forward of seeing you interact with other students of your age.” 

“Th-thank you, Ma’am.” Peter managed to speak out. Meeting new people- monster or otherwise- was still a terrifying experience for him. The closest thing to interaction was through the chat rooms on the internet, and somehow made a few penpals. So far, his knowledge of their names are MJ_W25, Spider-GS65, Black_Kat, and GreenGoblinHarry. Not even their faces or real names, let alone their species. 

How pathetic was that?

…at least he got Wade. Sort of. 

Headmistress Bloodgood turned to Wade with a slight curiosity. “Though I must say, it was rare to get a recommendation from a human school to transfer someone like yourself, Mr. Wilson.” 

Wade held his hand up with a smile. “Please, call me Wade. My Dad is Wilson.” Then he paused. “Or was it my mom? Cause he walked out on me before I was even conceived? I don’t know, there are a lot of continuities around me. There is one speculation that I may or may not have stolen my name from some dirtbag who calls himself Mr. T.” 

Then came another pause as he scratched his head. 

“Or was it T-Ray? You know if you think about it, it’s kinda stupid.”

Both the Headmistress, Peter, and the horse-yes, really- all looked at him blankly. 

Headmistress Bloodgood was the first to recover as she cleared her throat. 

“Anyway, I think this is a tremendous occasion to have another human coming here to attend Monster High. Showcasing that monsters _and_ humans can interact with each other.” Then she looked up at them with a smile. “This would be unorthodox but we already placed together an assembly to welcome you both.”

Peter’s eight eyes all blinked at once. 

“A-an assembly?” He asked, trying to make sure that he heard it right. 

“Yes, that way we can give you both a proper welcome to the school,” Then Headmistress’ smile grew wider. “After all, this is a tremendous occasion, even for us.”

“Right…” 

Was placing an assembly together being placed together for merely introducing new students common? He doesn’t remember reading something about this. Maybe he should ask his pen pals online once he gets home. 

“The assembly starts at 1:30 pm at the auditorium, though the regular end of school is 2 pm. You will be attending classes at a regular schedule tomorrow at 7 am.” The Headmistress informed them before smiling. “I hope that you all have a pleasant first day here.” 

“Thank you, Headmistress.” Peter managed to speak without stuttering a word. Wade, on the other hand, just simply gave her a small salute. 

“Sure thing, Teach!” He grinned. 

And with that, they both head out of the office. As soon as the door closed behind them, Wade looked over to him with a smirk which Peter suspect that it held some mischief. 

“So you ready to handle this concrete jungle of stereotypical useless angst, teenage melodrama and acne?”

…This is going to be a long year for him. 

-

Despite the odd start of the day, it was actually alright. 

Since today was kinda sorta a half-day (something he learned from his interactions from his e-pen pals and his Aunt and Uncle’s school experiences), he had an ok time in the classes that he got scheduled for him. 

First period was History class. Or Hiss-tory class, he actually read from the schedule spelling. And it was rather interesting to know about the history of both humans and monsters. From the wars to development to get where they are now, and that includes certain tidbits that he never knew that it would be possible. Such as Abe Lincoln being a former vampire hunter and there was an actual vampiric civil war within the civil war among humans. Or the fact that there is more than one species of vampire and werewolf respectively.

Then where was second period, which was Physical Dead-ucation. Or their version of P.E. of the human educational system. Pretty much the same but there are some requirements that would fit the need of different monster types, zombies included. He, along with the class, found out that he was stronger than he looked…and had better reaction time thanks to his Spidey-Sense when it comes to ball games. Though, they really need to replace the billiard of the basketball hoop. Looks like there would be no sport try-outs for him in the near future…

The third period and final period of the day was probably his absolute favorite, Mad Science. While the teacher, Count Shen, was a rather eccentric in his own way-though he is an alien that is somewhat similar to the vampires on earth- he does know how to make the subject interesting. And it was where Peter can shine the most since he was fascinated by anything that is science-related since he was practically small. Probably due to the fact that his parents were once scientists from what Uncle Ben told him. He was one of the few that managed to get some formulas right, along with periodic element reactions. The others were surprisingly another Normie that went by the name of Jackson and a zombie girl who seemed to grunted out her answers but yet somehow it was understood by the teacher. 

(They did offer Zombiespeak as one of the Foreign Language class options).

All in all, today seemed to be a good day for him. His classmates are ok and seemed to like him just fine. It was Wade that they seemed to be rather…wary of him. For a better lack of word.

Oh and did he also mentioned that they almost shared most of their classes together?

When he shared that fact to him when they’re about to head over to their first period after comparing schedules, Wade made his usual remark. 

“It’s almost as if some author lady thought it might be a good idea to have us together in class for any chance we get! Like we’re meant to be together or some shit!”

Peter might have been used to Wade’s…Wadeness in a short time that he first met him, but just because he was used to them, doesn’t mean it would be the same to everyone else. Throughout the entire day, he often made references that no one either know or what to comment on. (In history class, he was dead asleep as soon as he took his desk). Though at Mad Science class, he somehow gained the respect of Count Shen when Wade blatantly asked, and he quotes:

“So we get to blow some shit up!?”

Immediately, Count Shen instantly took a liking to Wade who somehow knew the formula that would make a C4 bomb…

…That is rather unsettling.

But then again, he only met him for a day but he wasn’t like that. 

Right?

His answer didn’t come to him as Peter felt the hair upon his entire being rose up at the exact same time that the bell rung, signifying that they should all head out to the auditorium. Just as he gathered up his things, Peter noticed what seemed like a gargoyle girl standing by the doorway. Judging by the special armband upon her person, it signified that she is a hall monitor of some sort. She scanned the room as the class filed out to the auditorium until her eyes set on him and Wade. 

“Ah, there you are!” She had a slight French accent in her voice, to which Peter immediately recognized after coming across something about Rosetta stone one time during his errand running with his uncle at the mall. “You two must be the new students that Headmistress Bloodgood told me about. I am Rochelle Goyle, a pleasure to meet you both.” She gave them a friendly smile as Rochelle extended out her hand to shake

Peter smiled as he took her hand into his, noting that there was a slight roughness to her skin. Almost like she’s completely made of rock yet at the same time there was some sort of indication that she is just as organic as him. 

“I’m Peter Parker,” then he gestured over to Wade who walked up to them. “And this is Wade Wilson.”

Wade stared up and down at her before pouting. 

“Heeeey…you’re not like the gargoyles that I’ve seen on the _Disney_ channel!” He whined. “I was hoping for at least a reincarnation of Lenard Nimoy! Wouldn’t he made an awesome Gargoyle?” Then he paused. “Wonder if he can bring in the Vulcan look as his gargoyle form? Just imagine how awesome his entrance would be!”

Rochelle blinked, unsure what to think of it, before turning to Peter who simply shrugged. 

“Well, since we already exchanged introductions, how about we make our way to the auditorium?” She asked, wisely deciding not to comment on…whatever it was that happened.

“Sure, lead the way!” Peter spoke up a bit too quickly. 

He didn’t know why but for some reason his stomach was starting to ache a bit. He hope it wasn’t his insides acting up, Uncle Ben always did say that if you feel really nervous, it would make you go to the number two. God he hoped that wasn’t the case with him, the last thing that Peter wanted was an awkward ending to his first day. Luckily, they had enough time for a pitstop and surprisingly Wade didn’t even made an odd comment on it. 

Other than this, “Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go, am I right?”

Well, at least it was good to know that he can have some layers. 

They both resumed their journey to the auditorium which is still filling up with students, making Peter wonder just how many students (aside from the faculty staff) would fit in this building. So far, he could have sworn that he saw a small monster that looked vaguely like a yellow reptile of some sorts and wearing what seemed to be a yellow-brown pinstripe turtleneck poncho, giving them an appearance that they lacked arms. 

But he didn’t have time to see what kind of monsters are coming here since Rochelle lead him and Wade up on the small stage to stand right next to the podium. From there, he saw that Headmistress Bloodgood walked from another end of the stage to take up the stand. 

“Good afternoon, Monster High, and welcome to today’s assembly!” She began, gaining every students’ attention. “I’m sure that you all are aware about the new transfer students today. Some of you might have already met them in your classes but most of you may not. So with that said, please give a warm welcome to your new classmates! Peter Parker and Wade Wilson!”

Then came a thunderous applause, signaling that both he and Wade should stand up. Peter couldn’t stop the beating of his heart when he neared the podium, even when Headmistress Bloodgood stepped aside for him to take up the microphone. He took a calming deep breath and exhaled out, even though it doesn’t do anything to calm his nerves. However, that didn’t stop him from saying his peace. 

“Um, hi, everyone, I’m Peter Parker…” He swallowed a bit when his throat was suddenly feeling a bit dry. “It’s really nice to meet you all, I don’t know what to say except that I used to live in Boo York and this is my first school that I attended. And also I hope that we could get along. Thank you.”

Short, sweet, but to the point. It does managed to resonate with the student body as they gave him a generous applause. That seemed to placed him at ease, prompting Peter to step aside for Wade to take up the mike. The latter strode towards it with enthusiasm and purpose, gripping the podium firmly as he grinned widely at the student body. For a moment, Peter felt slightly jealous on how well he took to public speaking. It was almost like he was born for this. 

“Classmates! Future drinking buddies! One Night Stands that might happen and because of that list of fantasies known to man!” He greeted rather excitedly. “My name is Wade Wilson! I’m 100% Canadian, my favorite food are chimichangas and banana pancakes, my sign is an Aquarius, and my ideal woman is Bea Arthur. I used to attend school over the north of the boarder until I got a restraining order. But that’s for another time! I have something really important to say here.” 

There was a small clamor among the students on the indication as Peter cocked his head in curiosity. 

What could be so important that he needed to convey at the assembly?

He soon got his answer as soon as Wade looked over to his direction.

“Peter Parker…” 

The spider mutant gave the human his full attention, all of his eight eyes were set upon him. He probably didn’t noticed before but Wade had the most brilliant blue eyes that he had ever seen. It was a nice contrast to his scarred complexion and what remains of his blond hair that was styled to a closest thing to a mohawk. Maybe beneath that crazy cuckoo bird persona is just another kid who wanted friends as Peter does.

“…Would you like to suck my dick?”

And like that, everything went silent. 

Literally. 

As soon as those words left Wade’s mouth, everyone and everything went into a standstill. Even the Headmistress’s horse was so flabbergasted that she didn't even utter one neigh. The air was so still that the only sound that could be heard was the dropping of a pin at one point. As for Peter, all he could do was to stare at him blankly, unsure what to say about that. 

After a moment, he finally made his move and walked over to Wade, who seemed to be beaming a bit. 

What he did next will also be forever be cemented in Monster High history.

Peter felt his hand curl into a fist before pulling back and punched Wade square in the jaw so hard, it knocked him completely over.

…Yeah, that’s one way to end the first day at your new school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Count Shen - a reference to Jack Shen, an internet horror film critic known as portraying Count Jackula from Planet Dracula. Check him out on Youtube! Word of warning, it's NSFW or minors. 
> 
> MJ_W25, Spider-GS65, Black_Kat, and GreenGoblinHarry - I'll leave it up to the readers' speculation and imagination to know the identities of the usernames ;)
> 
> And also I would like to point out that I'm fully aware that making an assembly to welcome a new student doesn't exist in real life but for the sake of story, it must be made.


	3. A Perfect Way to End the First Day of School. Yeah, right...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the overdue update, dealing with the upcoming civil wedding and Sakura-con at the same time. Not to mention some other stress but none I cannot handle. Please enjoy more of Marvelous Monsters!
> 
> Spider-Man and Deadpool are respectively owned by Stan Lee and MARVEL
> 
> Monster High is owned by Mattel

Turns out that going to the principal’s (or Headmistress’, in this case) office once again is another way to end the first day of school.

This time, it was concerning about the incident occurred at the assembly. 

And to top it all off, she called their respective guardians…

 _That is just peachy…_ That thought alone was an understatement as Peter sat in the waiting room outside of Headmistress Bloodgood’s office, feeling like he was in the police station for a crime that he committed. 

God, he could just see his Aunt May’s disappointed face right now…

“Hey, don’t worry about it!” Wade’s voice reached his ears from a few seats down. Peter looked up to see Wade sitting rather leisurely with his legs spread wide open and his hands cradling the back of his head. He looked rather relaxed, even go as far as looking over to him with that damnable smile on his face. But the sight of the bruise forming made Peter feel a bit better.

“I’ve been in this song and dance long enough! Since this is your first time, you’ll be let off easy!”

_Yeah, easy for YOU to say…Aunt May’s gonna kill me._

“Who knows? Maybe if we reached to the Senior level, we would look back on this and laugh and maybe have some mid-sentence coitus thereafter!” 

Peter clenched his hand into a tight fist, willing himself not to go over there and deck him once more just to deepen the color of the bruise. The fact that his pincers were chittering together was the only indication that he was angry, he could only hope that he wouldn’t start leaking out venom as a result. 

Luckily for him (or UNLUCKILY), the door opened to reveal Headmistress Bloodgood, her welcoming face was now stoic and stern. It was amazing on how she managed to look terrifying without even making an effort. 

“Your parents and guardian are on their way,” she confirmed. “I suggest you continue your waiting inside my office.” 

Wade gave off a grin that is wide enough to split his face before giving off an exaggerated stretch and practically bounce up to his feet. 

“Alright~ Let’s get this party started!” He crowed, skipping into Bloodgood’s office. 

Peter followed suit, but only in a resigned manner, akin of awaiting his death sentence. 

“Why does it have to be today…” He whimpered. 

_-_

It didn’t take long for his Aunt and Uncle to be the first to arrive, though he wished they weren’t. He forced himself to look over and winced when he saw the various emotions swimming within their faces. There was a mixture of worry and concern within their faces as soon as they stepped into the room, though he was lucky enough that they’re the type of people who couldn’t be fazed by the sheer eccentric nature of the school that is mostly populated by supernatural creatures of all shapes, sizes, and walks of life. 

“We came as soon as you called,” Aunt May was the first to speak up, her maternal instinct was kicking in harder than a mule’s. “Is everything alright?” 

Headmistress Bloodgood barely blinked as she looked up to them with her fingers steepled before her. 

“Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Parker, I’m glad that you’re here,” She spoke. “I’ll explain the details as soon as Mr. Wilson’s guardian arrives.” 

Wade casually leaned back on his seat as he cradled the back of his head with his hands. “Don’t worry about it! Logan’s gonna be where as soon as the author finished my dialogue!" 

Peter narrowed all his eight eyes as he looked over to him in confusion. “Wait, what are you…” 

Before he could even finish, a knock on the door was heard. 

“Come on,” The Headmistress spoke. 

Peter looked over his shoulder to see a rather rugged man with slightly unusual short hair that vaguely looked like curved horns and sideburns that screamed out manly. It could be from his perspective but he was rather short by normal human standards. However, there was a certain air about him that did more than make up for it. Almost like a dangerous animal that would easily rip you to shreds when provoked. Human, monster, it wouldn’t even matter to him. 

Every single hair on his body was raised as he scanned the room until he set his eyes on the Dullahan woman. 

“I'm not even going to ask WHAT he did, just tell me WHO died or lost a hand.” His voice was rough, almost gravelly. 

Silence fell in the entire room as everyone, sans Wade, all stared at him in complete and utter shock. Even Headmistress Bloodgood’s horse was staring at him as if he had revealed what glue was really made out of. 

"It wasn't a blood bath this time, Pops! Just a slap in the face!” Wade chirped up, sounding oddly proud. 

Hearing the word “Pops” coming out of Wade’s mouth made Peter’s mind wander back on what Wade said when they first met. Mentioned something about his uncle… 

This man IS Wade’s uncle. 

And he just punched his nephew. 

_Oh shit…_

Peter didn’t even realize that he was holding his breath as he watched the human practically strode over to Wade before roughly held his head to examine the bruise upon his face. The teen didn’t even register the rough gesture as he continued grinning like an idiot the entire time. Logan’s inspection at the bruise for what seemed like forever before letting out a small chuckle. 

“Well, whoever “slapped” you in the face had a mean right hook.” Then he looked over to Headmistress Bloodgood. “So, who is brave enough to actually sock my kid’s ugly mug?” 

The Dullahan blinked before regaining her composure as she cleared her throat. 

“I believe…young Mr. Parker here would be more than happy to explain that.” She replied before shifting her gaze to Peter, clearly telling him to start talking. 

The spider mutant swallowed what seemed to be a lump forming in his throat as he turned to face Wade’s guardian, all the while feeling stares from his pseudo-parents digging into his back. Even at this angle, he seemed scary as he practically looked down at him with what seemed like a glare. He was scared, he could admit that. But the audacity of what Wade…requested of him back at the auditorium…it was enough to give him the resolve as he clenched his hand into a tight fist. 

“It was me!” He practically shouted, standing up from his seat to look at him square in the eye. Peter inwardly cursed his short stature when he barely went up to his chest but refused to back down. “And I would do it again!” 

An eyebrow was raised as the man stared down at him, already sizing him up. Already the entirety of his senses (including Spidey Sense) were practically screaming at once such as this is a bad idea, you’re gonna die a virgin, you won’t be able to see Coney Island again, you can’t check if that pizzeria downtown was really haunted by dead kids in animatronic suits, you might not be able to repay that demonic-looking neighbor that cup of sugar! 

After a moment (but to Peter, it was an eternity), the man finally let out a laugh as he clamped his hand right on top of the younger boy’s head and pat it heartily. 

“You’re alright, Kid!” He said. 

_…Wait, what?_

“Bloodgood, is it?” The Man asked. “Don’t worry ‘bout this pipsqueak’s hook shot. I’m pretty sure that Wade’s the usual culprit. Though I have to admit, the squirt’s got spunk.” 

He didn’t really had to go all out on every single phrase for small… 

Headmistress Bloodgood blinked rapidly before shaking out of her stupor and cleared her throat. 

“Well, I suppose the best thing I should do was to give a warning to not only Mr. Wilson but also Mr. Parker as well.” Then she looked at the Parkers squarely at the eye. “Since it was his first day, I can let it pass. But remember that another stunt like this would lead to a two-week detention.” 

Peter’s first instinct was to flinch and make himself feel smaller. He had DEFINITELY heard of those…he had heard enough horror stories from his pen pals about them! Well, kind of horror stories, but that’s not the point. 

Wade let out a scoff as he leaned back in his chair, not even caring if he spread his legs wider. 

“Oh come on! Two weeks?” He groaned. “I’ll have you know that one time at my old stomping ground, I had detention EVERY Saturday for a month. I was in this group known as the Breakfast Club…but they don’t serve breakfast. Which sucked…I was hoping for pancakes…ANYWAY, it was just me, the nerd, the jarhead, the drug dealer, a Heather reject, and the escaped patient from the Cuckoo’s nest. It was a rough start but we somehow gained an understanding after a random dance number and kumbaya at the history section…then a couple hours later, I found myself stuffed in a supply closet of the girls’ locker room by the kooky chick with the five finger discount!” Then he let out a heavy sigh. “…Still can’t forget what she said to me before she left me in the dark. “There could be only one”. There could be only one…” 

There was another pregnant pause (it’s quickly becoming a trend, now that he noticed), a sound of throat being cleared was heard to break the silence. 

“I can assure you, Headmistress Bloodgood,” He heard Aunt May speak up. “This WON’T happen again.” 

It took all courage he had to look over and tried-keyword, tried- not to wither underneath her stern gaze. The last thing that he wanted was to disappoint his dear Aunt, or make her mad. Just ask Uncle Ben, he can vouch for him! 

The Dullahan woman nodded in satisfaction. “That is what I wanted to hear.” Then she turned to Wade’s Guardian. “And you, Mister…” 

“Howlett. Logan Howlett.” The Man, now named Logan, offered. “And don’t worry…Wade’s not the type to repeat the same thing. 

“And I know what you’re all thinking!” Wade disrupted as he sprang up to his feet. “Yes, we sound like we’re from comic books! That’s because we are! Till we got here.” 

And cue another pause there. 

“…Riiiight.” was all Headmistress Bloodgood could say before looking at them all. “I think we all get the idea. Until then, I hope that the rest of the school year wouldn’t be as turbulent as what had happened.” 

Peter nodded in confirmation. “I promise that it wouldn’t happen like that.” He vowed. 

“Yeah!” Wade chimed in, making Peter resist a groan. “I mean, it’s not like after this that I’m gonna lie on my bed awake at night thinking about him! No sir! Nuh-uh!” Then came awkward laughing that somehow lasted at least 15 seconds. He knows. He actually counted. 

“…That…is oddly specific.” Uncle Ben finally commented. 

Understatement of the year if he had ever heard one… 

After clearing his throat, Ben finally looked at the Headmistress. 

“Anyway, thank you, Headmistress Bloodgood.” He spoke, holding out a hand for her to shake to which she returned in gratitude. “But I can assure you that Peter here is a good kid. Just take it from me.” 

Peter practically let out a purr when he felt the familiar warmth as soon as his Uncle’s hand made contact on top of his head. He was lucky that he caught himself before anyone had a chance to notice. Though he was practically feeling Wade’s eyes burning into him and it was kind of hard trying to ignore him. 

“I’m glad…” Then she looked over to Logan with a raised eyebrow. 

Logan just shrugged. “When push comes to shove, I just sic my daughter on him.” With that said, Wade let out a rather exaggerated gasp. 

“You wouldn’t DARE.” 

The older man turned to his ward and shot him a glare that was enough to render even the strongest man or monster helpless. “As long as you managed not to something that would be enough to make every single therapist in the country rich. I swear, you would be a death of someone one of these days.” 

“HEY! That Zamboni turned on by itself and went _Maximum Overdrive_ on that Assbutt!! Who may or may not be that freaky homeless clown who hangs around at the sewer.” Then Wade paused in his mid-rant. “Fake Joker still owes me a balloon…” 

Peter then used this time to say his goodbye before following his guardians out the door. He let out a sigh of relief when they went down the hallway corridor leading to the school entrance. He had no idea how long they have been in there, but he had to admit…while tense at first, it was definitely… 

…Well, weird. 

In a way. 

Then he looked up to his guardians as soon as Uncle Ben opened the door for his Aunt May. 

“Peter, we’re definitely going to have a talk when we get home.” Judging by Aunt May’s tone, it indicated that there was no room for argument. 

A sigh released from his lips as he nodded. 

Perfect way to end the first day of school. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get the pop culture reference from Wade's mouth, you get a cookie!


	4. Insert Majora's Mask Joke Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long, long time, you guys and for that I apologize for it. Mostly I blame myself for having an overactive imagination and my constant exposure to new shows, manga, etc. along with new fanfic ideas. Mostly Yuri!!! on ICE. 
> 
> ...damn those gay skaters with drama, and delicious food, and fanservice...
> 
> But it's not all for naught. After tackling writer's block, stressing over my eventual move from Washington state to California to be with my husband, I'm NOT-and I repeat- I'M. NOT. going to give up on these stories. With that said, please enjoy.
> 
> And one more thing, it's now rated explicit mostly for Wade's mouth. Among other things in the near future.

_**CaptainD3adP00L is logged in** _

_**CaptainD3adP00L is typing…** _

 

**CaptainD3adP00L: Dude…DUUUUUUDE!**

 

**IMWeasel: Dis better be good, a-hole -_-**

**CaptainD3adP00L: Weasel! I got a problem! A HUGE PROBLEM! 0_0**

**CaptainD3adP00L: LOOK**

**IMWeasel: Wait, plez, no…**

_**Picture sent** _

**IMWeasel:….-_-…**  
**IMW3asel: Dude, y do u have to send me the picture of your dick? Dick**

**CaptainD3adP00L: This is my problem, Weasel! OAO**   
**CaptainD3adP00L: I’m HARD AF!**   
**CaptainD3adP00L: I tried jerking off with Hot Jizz, and it didn’t work!**   
**CaptainD3adP00L: IT NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!**

**IMWeasel: So jack off to another thing, have you tried Pamela Anderson?**

**CaptainD3adP00L: Yes. For an hour**

**IMWeasel: Baywatch or Stripperella?**

**CaptainD3adP00L: BOTH. EVEN BARBWIRE**

**IMWeasel: I’ll take everything back…this is a huge problem**  
**IMWeasel: Give me the specs.**

**CaptainD3adP00L: Well, it all started on my first day at Monster High…**

**IMWeasel: Wait, I need popcorn for this**  
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 **CaptainD3adP00L: You got your popcorn?**

 

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 **CaptainD3adP00L: Alright…as I was saying…**

—

“He wants you to WHAT!?” 

Peter had to squash down his urge to respond to his fight and flight reaction as he flinched at the sheer volume of his aunt’s outburst. Even though she’s not related to him by blood, it was amazing how high her Mama Bear mode would be if it concerned him. This definitely proved that he indeed have a face that a mother would love, familial labels be damned. Aunt May can stare down an Eldritch Monster and shame it to submission. 

He barely held back the chattering of his pincers while trying to come up the right words to say without digging himself further into the hole that he found himself in. They did say that honesty is the best policy, but in his case, it was the only option that he had. At least he would give his side of the story. 

“Y-yeah, he wanted me to do _that_.” He managed to respond. “But I wasn’t really thinking! My entire body was on auto-pilot and it was the only response I had!” 

Then Peter stared up to his aunt and uncle with what seemed to be puppy-eyes. 

“I’m…still in trouble, right?”

It would have worked with some people if they somehow find spiders cute (which probably 99% doesn’t), but he remembered actually taking up the courage to send a picture of himself to one of his online friends one time. The only response he got was, and he quote, “aw! You look like a giant puppy with eight eyes!” Although whether or not that they meant it was up for debate but even he was self-conscious about asking either one of them to show what they look like. 

But with his guardians, it seemed to work when he was younger.

Hopefully it won’t fail him now at this age. 

So imagine his surprise when Aunt May let out a sigh but had that smile on her face. 

“Well, you did punch a fellow classmate but it would still be considered self-defense. So you’re only grounded for a week. No using the internet unless it was for schoolwork. Same goes for tv. And that’s it.”

Peter blinked before smiling up to her, nodding eagerly. 

“I’ll take it!”

Admittedly, it was better than the last time he was grounded for walking out of the house without his guardians knowing just to deliver a nest filled with spiders to sneak into some creep’s house and crawl into his underwear. It was that guy’s fault for harassing women in the neighborhood and being a nuisance. 

That earned him a month long probation from tv and internet when Aunt May found out.

Was it harsh? Maybe.

But SOOOOOOOO worth it.

He had that walkthrough of that awesome game to thank from BooTube. Who knew that a game about teenagers summoning physical manifestations of their psyche to save the world would be so much fun?

“Well, that’s settles it then…” then Aunt May gave Peter one of her bright smiles. “So who’s feeling up for meatloaf tonight?” 

If Peter were a puppy, he would have a tail wagging as he stared up at his aunt as if she were God. All the while Uncle Ben grimaced at the thought of having another one of her meatloaf dishes…

Oh well, silver lining!

-

Second day at Monster High.

It was times like this that Peter would wish that some imp possessed by a demonic mask cursed the moon to cause a deep impact on earth but then again it is the real life, not some video game. In here there are no do overs or try agains, you have to deal with the consequences of yesterday and try to power on through. 

Luckily for him, he managed to get through second day of school just fine. 

In his opinion anyway. 

He somehow managed to make friends with a seemingly normal human named Jackson who loved chemistry as much as he does. At least that is what he thought that he was JUST a normal human at first until he heard music and spontaneously burst into flames into an entirely different person. Peter was lucky that he managed to save their chemistry notes in time until Jackson (or Holt during this form) somehow calms down and reverts back to his normal self. Or as normal as a monster or half-breed can get. 

He also found himself with a tutor for P.E. (if that was a thing), once again, another seemingly normal human. Until he sprouted bat-like wings. In broad daylight. And that happened when Peter threw the baseball too hard to the point that it would have flown beyond the airball limit. Then he simply flew down and simply tossed him the ball before showing him how to restrain of some of his natural power with proper techniques. They have been doing that for some time before the signal for the end of class was heard and his tutor made a beeline for a human (from what he could see) and they both head off to the nurse’s office. 

It could be his limited sight (just because he has eight eyes, doesn’t mean PERFECT vision), but he could have sworn that he saw matching gold rings on their left fingers.

Needless to say that he learned that everyday would be a new adventure in this place. 

Like in Mad Science class (which is quickly becoming his favorite subject), he learned not only the garden variety kind that he heard about in human schools but also the kind of science that is literally out of this world. Who knew that you can make something with only a piece of gum, batteries, and some duct tape?

The student body around here are ok as well. 

It took him a while but he was slowly but surely getting acquainted. 

He did managed to find a fellow spider in Wydowna, even though his instincts were vaguely screaming at him to get the Hell out of dodge. However he gained some reassurance that she wasn’t that bad of a ghoul. In fact, despite her fashionista personality (as well as the vague sense of danger), she also has a geeky side to her. Mostly a comic book connoisseur, especially in the works made by Stan the Man. 

Which was oddly enough approved by the janitor, Mr. Lee, who oddly says “Excelsior”…

Mentioned something about married the exquisite creature of an arachnid woman one time…

Then the other kids are ok too. 

Frankie, out of everyone, understood him the most for being not just the new kid but also the type that spent most of his life being homeschooled. Mostly having in common for being awkward, like the time that he accidentally pulled her hand off. But nevertheless, she was a lot of help around the school. Like what to watch out for, the best shortcuts to the classes, and what-not. 

The Wolf siblings, Clawdeen, Clawd, and Howleen, proved to have given him a literal run for his money when it comes with the physical education. Mostly when it comes with speed-related sports, to which that Peter could have sworn that he just blinked and they’re already running laps around him. But that trait was overshadowed on how loyal that they can be to their friends and classmates, regardless of anyone being a monster or otherwise. Maybe it was that “pack” trait that canines are so well-known for. 

That and they tend to shed at certain times, much to their embarrassment. 

Draculaura is an interesting example. Contrary to certain beliefs that humans have, vampires can actually walk in the sun. Just for a limited time, or else they would literally suffer first degree sunburn. That and he found out that she’s vegan, which explains why she prefers fruits and vegetables. Perhaps there is such a thing as fruit bat variety. 

Ghoulia, well, they really got on an awkward foot. He had to admit, he barely understood a word that she said unless it was translated. He tried his hand at Zombiespeak for Beginners but it not only made the zombie girl cringe but it made him cringe as well. How was he supposed to know that he said, “I like to watch dead people screw”?

But like he said, awkwardness pass and they’re laughing it up. 

At least they offered a class on Zombiespeak around here. Turns out that it was no different from the standard language classes such as German, French, Spanish, even Latin. Lord knows how many times someone spoke something in Latin and suddenly a demon pops up and wondering that the Hell (for a better lack of word) did they get here. 

But all in all, it’s a good second day.

Unless you count a certain factor.

Wade Wilson. 

Since that day, he has taken a new level of notoriety for himself and was practically relishing it. For better or for worse, Peter had a feeling that he himself as well as Monster High barely scratched the surface when it comes with him. 

Like this one time that he randomly wondered if there was ever a porno of a tentacle monster with a girl that has teeth downstairs. Which earned him a combination of weird looks along with more than subtle scooting away. Cue the angry retort from a said tentacle monster (probably a male, judging by the voice) saying “we’re not your fetishes!”

Then there was this one time that he blatantly asked this fire elemental, Heath, if he ever has to deal with a burning crotch. Oh, God, he would have gained more burn scars by how pissed Heath was. It took the extreme restraint from his girlfriend, an abominable snowgirl from what he heard, to keep him from frying Wade to a crisp. 

But those two examples are small when it comes with Peter.

He was starting to see that having most of the class schedule with Wade was a really, really bad idea. 

You know what is even more worse?

Whenever they have classes together, they somehow been conveniently seated close together. Whether it was beside each other or Wade sitting behind him. And it was mostly somewhere at the back of the classroom, on the second to last seats, by the window. Exclusively on the left side. 

“It might be some sort of anime thing to indicate that we’re the main characters.” Wade commented one time. 

Just another one of his rather odd mannerisms, but that is just a warm up. 

“Hey, Petey Pie! I still haven’t got that answer of sucking my dick!”

“Do you even have hair down THERE? …Why I made a rhyme! Wonder if I can rap…?”

“Peter Piper Pickle Pepper Pie~ I wanna shoot cum into your eye! …S. Wait, that’s not even good.”

“Can you shoot web out of your ass?”

“Have you ever thought about bondage? I think I come across the Japanese kind and you and I should try it out.”

“WOW! You actually have a furry butt! …I’d still tap dat.”

“Can you lay eggs?” 

“Can you EVEN GIVE BIRTH?”

“Hey, whenever you feel like an Emo…do you dance? Wait, that’s stupid as fuck…”

“Do you even breakdance while scaling up the wall to the ceiling?”

“QUICK! Do the Matrix Dodge! And pole-dance!”

“Petey?”

“Petey Pie~”

“Petey?”

“Petey?!”

“PETEY!”

“Petey-senpai! Notice MEEEEEEHHH!!!!”

“BABY BOY!”

And you know what else is worse?

This was before the second period was up.

Peter let out a groan as he face-planted into his Hiss-tory textbook. 

This is going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot Jizz is the name of his unicorn that...helps him when he was lonely...
> 
> Who here got the Stan Lee cameo!? :D

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Oodles of Doodles, link to wolf spider!Petey was shown here http://polarspaz.tumblr.com/


End file.
